Dear no one:
My life is a mess. Ever since I lost my best friend I've had trouble being happy again. And now...I thought I had overcome everything that made me feel so bad. But now I realize I haven't... I just keep feeling this hole inside of me, and I try to fill it with talking or with food... and when I think it's full, it just gets bigger. I keep crying myself to sleep and have horrible nightmares... I feel so lonely... And I can't escape from this.. Every time I try, the pain finds me again. What did I do in a past life to deserve this? I think I'm going crazy.... Could it really be?
I don't know anything anymore... Everything that was there is gone....Everything that's left is slowly falling apart... I don't know anyone anymore... Those who were my friends, betrayed me.. The ones who remain, slowly change as I do at the same time... My heart keeps getting broken into pieces... and each piece breaks into smaller shards... Those whom I once loved disappear without a backward glance... Their presence is but a memory in the back of my head... Time goes by slowly.... The clock ticks lazily, but I no longer listen... Petals of a rose keep falling... The wind keeps blowing.... Rain splatters my window... The mist in my head grows thicker, confusing me, clouding my thoughts... Why? That's the only answer I need... Tears run down my cheeks, but no one will care, no one will see... They'll never know they are doing this to me... And now, on my pillow I'll rest again my head, once more I'll quietly go to bed, hoping to someday wake up next to someone that will care, who will embrace me and stroke my hair, someone who will truly love me and whom I'll love back... But I know that tomorrow won't be such a different day, I'll smile and say "hey", no one will notice something's wrong, and life will go on...
Anniselle
